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It is estimated that around 160,000 married couples resort to divorce, a year, in the UK alone - not taking into account those that call it a day after living together for long periods of time, so firstly - you are not alone!
More importantly it is what happens next, once the decision to divorce has been made. Some are lucky and are able to wish each other well and bid farewell and go on to build a new life, others unfortunately find the transition devastingly overwhealming and painful. Being unable to make sense of feelings, unable to cope with the divorce procedure and move forward becomes a dark, confusing and fearful journey, which is further comlicated where children are involved. This is compounded by the timing, already hurt and angry possibly living with a destructive relationship, arousal levels are high and the risk of depression,black and white concrete and irrational thinking, anger, anxiety and an inability to make clear decisions.
Why does divorce hurt so much - even when it is the best option?
It is the finality of it all, loosing contact with someone who you have cared deeply for and all the shared groups of people/family and the relative shared experiences. You maybe consumed with regrets, it is possible to see this in other areas of your life - as trivial as the end of the holiday - there will be some sadness.
What is important is how you have learned to deal with endings and loss, this will to a large extent determin how you cope with divorce. Whether or not you can accept the ending and how it has happened and be able to look at the bigger picture rather than focusing on intense feelings. It is necessary to focus on the here and now and not dwell on the 'what if's'. This is especially important where children are involved and remember this will affect them too for the rest of their lives. This should be a consideration during divorce negotiations and whenever possible 'collaborative lawyers' should be used to help reduce emotional distress and costs!
For more information about how I can help with divorce, please contact me direct. It is possible to 'come out of the otherside' positively and emotionally strong. Common consequences of divorce or any relationship breakdown include feelings of depression, anxiety, high levels of stress and anger and these are the conditions with which I can help resolve.
More about divorce
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